Transition is a lot like adolescence but without the zits. That period of separation and individuation we all go through between our first and second decades of life comes again. It includes the raging hormones of the first time, the fear of loss and confusion over my place in the world. What kind of woman do I want to be, anyway?
It seems to move at a more excellerated pace than the first time around and in the last 9 months I've tried on many different hats. I haven't found the right one yet but I've found a few I like to wear on different occasions.
Am I straight, gay or bi? The answer came in the way I responded to a man's touch. I liked it. I liked it A LOT! Would I be able to attract men? Will guys want me? I had sex with a few guys before I realised that finding men for sex was not the problem. Finding the right man to have sex with was. Haven't I heard this before? Like from every woman I know? So I guess I'm not a slut.
I'm marginally involved in the TG activist community. I'm very big on civil rights for all queer people, including marriage. But I'm not an out there in your face kinda girl. I look hideous in rainbow prints so I'm not going too wear them. I'm not into TG arts, either. Art stands or fails on it's own merits regardless of the gender of the artist. I will march in a march and write about topics but I'm really not a screaming queen.
I don't do drag and wear as little make-up as possible. My role models are the women I see every morning on the train, heading for work. The women I work with tend to be earthy, which I'm not, yet I still don't want to stand out like a painted lady. I strive to fit in, not stand out. I'm too large to withstand close scrutiny without being clocked.
Still, I have to say, What a Ride!
2 comments:
I was wondering where you was.. Being that you did post about sexuality if you dont mind me asking what is your orientation?
I wish I had an easy answer. There are 2 parts here. My gender identity is female and I'm really into guys at the moment. So that would make me a straight woman. Kind of.
Before I came out to myself I identified as a male and was straight for most of my life. I'm divorced and a father and I still find women attractive.
If I have to check a box I would choose bi-sexual but I really don't like labels. I love the person, have sex with their bodies and I'm not all that fussy about gender.
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