There are so many different steps to coming out. I'm surprised by how long it's taking. I came out to my immediate family several years ago and thought that's it I'm done. But that's not the case at all! I keep coming out to different people every other day.
A month ago I stood up in a room and announced my gender change and transition to a group of my co-workers. I thought "Whew! It's over I've done it!". But there's more.
In the past I was willing to hide from various people. I'm a Scorpio, we're secretive. But I can't seem to do it any more. I find myself telling more and more people what is going on with me and that my new name is Joanna. Joni is good too.
I told my daughter yesterday. I think I had more fear around her reaction than anyone else. We've been very close and losing her would be devastating to me. Time to ride the 28 line devastating.
She was kind of surprised. She wasn't sure what transgender meant so explained it.
She said "Oh, I just thought you were bi."
She asked if I could act like her dad around her. I answerd "Of course, I'll always be your father. I'm still the same person. Just better." She asked if I would dress male around her at least for awhile. I said "Whatever makes you comfortable, Honey."
We talked about my being repressed for a long time. She said, "Dad, you should have been born 10 or 20 years later. When someone comes out now our reaction is 'Really! Cool!' " (Remember, we live in San Francisco).
She told me about a friend that is f to m. He's on testosterone and she catches him checking out her ass all the time. (Giggle, giggle!)
Then we went shopping and she helped me try on a dress!
Today I came out to my primary care doctor. I made the appointment months ago before any of this was going on. I dressed as a female office worker because that's what I am, and headed off. My doctor surprised me. She looked me up and down, smiled and led me to an exam room right away.
We went into the usual stuff. Blood counts, MELD scores and the general stability of my condition and a change in a cancer marker. Finally I told her that I was transexual and in transition. She told me that she'd suspected that for a while but this was the first time she'd seen me in full female mode. I told her that I wanted to go on hormones and would soon be seeing a specialist in TG hormone therapy. She said I needed to be cautious and let my gynecologist know about my other health issues as well as bring my hepatologist in on it.
Then she said to tell my gyno that once I was stable on a routine, she would be happy to take over the managment of the therapy. She looked at some discoloration on my calves and said it was probably related to my health problems.
"All I know is I won't be wearing any skirts with bare leggs."
"Just wear some tights, nobody will notice." She replied.
As I started to leave she gave me an appointment card and asked what I wanted to be called. I replied Joanna or Joni are both fine. "You'll be Ms. Wagner to me. Tell them to change your name on the system on your way out".
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